cl
laurie hanson roberts​
december 27 tbh
christmas was hard this year. really hard, and to be honest, i would've been fine skipping it all together. on november 2, my musical partner died suddenly of heart attack. to say this news was a shock would be an understatement. the weeks that followed were surreal. worship continued, gigs continued, but nothing felt right. there has really been no time to grieve, because of the advent/christmas season. time marches on whether we're ready or not. how in the world was i going to get through this without doug by my side? we had worked together doing worship, playing gigs, writing songs for over 27 years. so much of what i do, especially at christmas is tied to doug. every song is connected to him in some way. it was excruciating. each time i sang, i felt as if i was drowning, but i did it. sunday after sunday i was determined to help christmas come for others, even though i felt it wasn't going to come for me. "o holy night" was a special song for us. i probably have sung that song quite literally hundreds of times throughout my 35 years of music ministry, and most of them with doug. as was with us, if we were doing a song that we didn't write, we made it our own, and put our own arrangement together. although i sang "o holy night" 6 times on this christmas eve, i couldn't sing our arrangement. christmas eve was muscle memory for me. i knew if i gave in to my emotions, i would not make it through 1 service, let alone 6. so i tried not to think and just sing. for those who acknowledged the difficulty through hugs, texts and messages, i will be forever grateful.
now that special services are done, the real grieving can begin. there is so much that i miss about my friend. his uncanny way of making me bust out laughing, the ways in which he supported me; he always had my back and was my cheerleader, our sunday afternoon phone calls to debrief worship, his laugh, his passion, his compassion. if i had known that thursday, november 1 was the last time i'd see him, i would've talked a little longer, laughed a little harder, and hugged a little tighter. if i had known that sunday, october 28 was the last time we'd play together, i would have never wanted that day to end. what we experienced together was a once in a lifetime connection. doug was truly my musical soulmate. i am incredibly grateful for that. the guys in the grace avenue band, bill, pete, fred and larry have been such a source of strength for me. we have been strength for each other. we are moving forward and making music, because that's what doug would have wanted us to do.
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christmas wasn't all bad. there were moments of joy, blessed time with family and even feeling the warmth of doug's presence at times throughout the season. Emmanuel, God with us, became very real for me this season; so just maybe christmas did happen for me, just not in the way i am used to. for right now, i will continue to sing. as hard as it is, it brings me peace. i will get through this, but doug will never be far from my thoughts. i know he will be cheering me on and pushing me out of my comfort zone. doug cuny, i am forever grateful for your friendship, for your partnership and for believing in me. i sure could use a belly laugh right about now.
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music
events
grace ave umc
frisco, tx 75034
9:45 worship center
14
oct
grace ave umc
frisco, tx 75034
9:45 worship center
14
oct
grace ave umc
frisco, tx 75034
7pm sanctuary
stories and songs with
Laurie Hanson Roberts
and Doug Cuny
21
oct
grace ave umc
frisco, tx 75034
9:45 worship center
october 3 wake up, sister!
i just finished spending two consecutive weekends with paula d'arcy, speaker and author of so many amazing books, "stars at night", "gift of the redbird", "a new set of eyes" to name a few. how blessed am i??? the first weekend was a silent retreat. i've been on several silent retreats, and i always look forward to disconnecting from the busyness of life and reconnecting with the things that get pushed aside in the midst of deadlines, rehearsals, emails, phone calls... . and the second weekend was a 2-day retreat that she led at my church, grace avenue umc.
paula is a wonderful story teller. her stories are so relatable, and i can almost always find myself somewhere in the midst of them. i got to hear many of her stories over the course of the two weekends, and as always, i walked away learning more about myself and feeling a true sense of connection with the creator, the universe and with myself.i am always struck with paula's ability to be truly present in any situation. she told story after inspirational story of stopping and listening to God, to creation, to people, to herself, and i had to ask myself, "do i do this?" or even more truthful, "i don't do this".
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i am good about stopping a creating silence for myself. i meditate every day, i practice yoga, every day. i create time to listen for God every day. but once the meditation is done and the mat is put away, life is on. i do believe my meditation time has helped me slow down, but do i really pay attention to my surroundings? do i always acknowledge the nudges from God to reach out of my comfort zone. the truthful answer to that is "no".
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so, i received a wake up call, to "wake up, sister!" to become more aware of my surroundings, to become more aware of people, and to reach out of my comfort zone. we are here to help one another, and just when we reach out to be the helper, we end up being on the receiving end. God is pretty amazing that way. thanks be to God for the ability to share his unlimited grace with those we love and those we meet along the way. may we all stop long enough to discover what God has in store!
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september 19 space
i have just returned from a 4-day silent retreat in louisiana. i have been on a silent retreat once before and was looking forward to this time away, to reflect, write, and renew my spirit; all of which, i'm happy to report, happened in a mighty way. for several years, i have had a meditation practice. when my mother was so ill, it's something that i talked about doing, but never did, but after her death, i was so lost, that i knew i had to do something, so i began meditating. i was an "on again, off again" meditator, so i don't know that i really felt the benefits of the silence. 4 years later, when my daddy died, i began,to take my practice more seriously and started to truly look forward and crave the silence, and after jacob left for college, don't even get me started... i needed something to help me find my way. for me, the silence helps create space in my life. we are all so consumed by our families, our schedules, our phones, and the list goes on; and what i've come to learn is the only thing that matters is this moment. there is a beautiful poem by judy brown, entitled "fire" where she talks about the space between logs on the fire. the space is just as important as the logs in order for the fire to burn. the fire grows because of the space, just as in our lives. if we don't create space, our fire will die. that is such an incredible visual for me. the space that is created, also helps me to hear God. sometimes i feel that i'm so busy talking to God, that i forget to listen. the silence helps me listen. it helps me be more aware; it helps me not to miss the clues that God leaves for me on a daily - nope - hourly basis. this retreat helped me to reconnect with the reasons that i meditate and to be part of holy conversations that i will never forget, and for that, i am grateful. it also helped me to see that i spend way too much time on my phone. from this day forward, i am going to limit my time on any social media. i will jump on once in a while to wish happy birthdays, or if i have something to say, but probably nothing more than that. the barrage of negativity that i read in my newsfeed is more than i can handle. when i see friends attacking friends for their beliefs and opinions, simply because they are different than theirs, i have to stop. there has got to be a better way. so, i am creating space. if you need to reach me, text or email, or even better, call me, or come see me, so we can be in each other's beautiful presence. psalm 46:10 says, "be still and know that i am God." the CEB version says, "that's enough! now know that i am God!", which kind of makes me laugh, because i am sure that is exactly how God feels with me, at times, but for this moment, i know that God has a plan for me, and he has given me a beautiful world in which to find it.
june 7 finding the good
"celebrate what's right with the world". we've been focusing on this as a congregation at grace avenue. it's based on a series that famed national geographic photograher, dewitt jones, wrote several years ago. i learned of dewitt jones many years ago and have been a fan and a follower ever since. his pictures are breathtaking, and his analogies between life and the "perfect picture" speak to me in a profound way. it's all about perspective. there are a million and one "perfect pictures" in every scenario; it's our job to find the one that speaks to us, and moves us into fulfilling our purpose. what's beautiful to me is that everyone's "perfect picture" will look different, and each one lovely in God's perfect way.
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i have a gratitude journal that i've kept for years. it helps me stay in touch with my surroundings and find the good in my world. if i'm honest, i have to tell you, that there are days when it's difficult to find the good, but i write something every day. i am better when i take the time to truly see the world around me, and what i have come to know is the more i write, the more i am aware of the good and beauty in our world.
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it's far too easy to focus on the negative. one listen to the nightly news, might send someone over the edge. we choose what influences our lives, what grabs our attention, and what occupies our thoughts. for me, i choose to listen to the sound of the cardinal on my back porch, the sunset over the 8th teebox, the giggles of children, the iris that now blooms in my sister's yard that once bloomed in my mom's, white butterflies that flit through the garden, a smile of gratitude, the sound of voices raised together in song... and the list goes on. all of these things are easy to miss, if we don't pause, and look, and truly see. there is so much that is right with the world. let's find the good together.
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"...but this i call to mind, and therefore i have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end. they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.'the Lord is my portion', says my soul, 'therefore i will hope in him.'" lamentations 3:21-24
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november 18 #becomethehope
i don't normally comment on political things that are happening in our world, or in our country. i will say up front, that i don't have answers, and that i am struggling, like so many to make sense of what is going on in our world. i have been accused of wearing rose-colored glasses, being naive and simplistic in my thinking; i'm not going to deny that. however, what i see happening in my newsfeed, and i'm sure in yours as well, is deeply saddening to me. between bombings, human rights, refugees, and on and on, i am overwhelmed.
i like for everything to fit neatly in my "everything is going to be okay" box. And when it doesn't, i have been guilty of turning my head and pretending, especially when the alternative is too scary to contemplate. i am keenly aware that i cannot turn my head, but i am also keenly aware, that although it would be really helpful to me, there is not a quick fix. a friend of mine spoke to this very issue yesterday. it may seem trite and cliche to say that love is the answer, but i believe that it is indeed the only answer. it certainly is not the quick answer. it is the answer that i will most likely not see in my lifetime or even my son's lifetime, but love will drive out hate. it does every time.
when i see the vitriol that is spoken about our political leaders, on both sides, it makes me physically sick. when i hear spoken from the pulpit of a prominent dallas church that an entire nation should "be wiped out", i am heart-broken. this is not how i understand the gospel. yes, wiping out a nation would provide a short-term fix, but then, what's left? there always seems to be something or someone more evil waiting in the wings. the courage to show love, risk love, even when it's scary is what we are called to do. my best friend since middle school and i differ in our political and theological beliefs. we are polar opposites when it comes to many issues. i don't try to change her, and she doesn't try to change me. we have the utmost respect for one another. we love each other. i would never stop being her friend simply because we differ in opinion. our friendship is better because we are different. if we cannot show love and compassion in our country, how can we show it to the world? if the rift between political parties, religions, sexual orientations, races... is so great, how do we even begin to have any kind of hope? it starts with me.
#becomethehope
july 27 ch-ch-ch-changes
life at the roberts' home is getting ready to go through some major changes. my son, jacob, is getting ready to leave for college for the first time. i am feeling all the feels that the mother of an only child should feel (i think) and then some. however, during this time, there have been some additional ch-ch-ch-changes going on in me. earlier this year, i was invited, along with 11 other church musicians from across the united states, to participate in a 4-day retreat experience. because of the folks leading, i immediately said "yes!" (ken medema, beverly vandermolen, paula d'arcy, and david keith) i didn't really know what to expect, but on july 13, i packed my bags and headed to macon, georgia. i anticipated that it would be a nice time away to meet some great people and renew my spirit. what i did not expect was the transformation that was going to take place in my heart. i will be honest with you, up until this point, there have been times when i have questioned what i do, and how well i do it. i struggle with my self-worth, i mean really struggle. there have been times in my life when people have told me through their actions and through their words that i was not good enough, and i believed them. i have felt disillusioned and quite frankly like one of those participants you see during the audition process of a reality show, who thinks they can sing, but REALLY can't. however, invariably, when those dark times come, i will receive a phone call, an email or something that affirms my offering and my calling. these are angel communications, a message from the Almighty God affirming me; saving me from myself. in one of the many sessions led by paula d'arcy, she told her story. (if you are not familiar with paula's writings, i HIGHLY
recommend them.)her story is different from mine, but the same. we all have times of grief and pain, and in those times we have two choices: to despair or dig deeper. i have done both, but primarily, i think i dig deeper. then she said the thing that resonated with me so deeply, it felt like i couldn't breathe. she said, "there is a place inside each of us that cannot be broken, even when people and situations try, it cannot be touched." that's it. YES! it is a sacred and holy place. even though there have been times when i've questioned my value and my gifts, GOD WON'T LET ME GIVE UP, a place that cannot be broken. as soon as paula said it, i felt release. paula gave this feeling that i've always had inside of me a name, "a place that cannot be broken." because of this awareness, that sacred and holy place now feels even stronger. i'm not sure how this will play out in my life, but i do know that i am different, transformed. i'll keep you posted on my progress... in the mean time, i have a very real ch-ch-ch-change getting ready to take place. how exciting it is to see my son getting ready to spread his wings and discover the world in a whole new way, a world where i am not as important. what i know is that he has this place inside of him as well, a place which cannot be broken. i pray he finds it at an age long before his mother did. but whenever he discovers it, i know it will be God's perfect timing, just as my discovery was God's perfect timing. God is amazing that way. praise God from whom all blessings flow!
september 7 all you need is love
i've always considered myself a beatles fan, not hardcore, like my husband, but i certainly have a healthy respect and enjoyment of their music. since the launch of the sirius/xm beatles channel (#18) in may of this year, i have found myself listening to their music non-stop, when i'm in the car. i'm rediscovering songs and lyrics, stories behind songs, and relationships that are currently having a deep impact on my life.
i was young when they came on the scene. i remember my sister loving them. many of my early beatles memories are from her listening to her records. songs that i listen to now, and marvel at the simplicity and complexity all in the same song; lyrics that truly blow me away. (eleanor rigby among many, many others!) how is it that four young men from liverpool had such an understanding of life? four young men, each of whom had the talent to front their own band, yet for a brief moment in time, came together and gifted the world with incredible, insightful music? even when they began growing apart, they were still making unbelievable music. they were able to set aside disagreements and come together for a greater good, that is still impacting the world today. well, there's a lesson! what would happen if we all strived to do just that, to set aside differences and come together for a greater good?
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all we need is love; there is such simplicity and complexity in that statement. maybe if we just focused on the simplicity, it would move us forward. instead of hurling accusations; listening and trying to understand and find common ground. "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make" is the last line of the last album they ever made together. powerful lyric coming from folks, who at that point, couldn't even be in the same room.
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i will be forever grateful to paul, john, george and ringo for the life lessons that i've learned and continue to learn by listening to their music. "for tomorrow may rain, i'll follow the sun."
june 12 favorites
"i will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. my soul shall make her boast in the Lord: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad. o magnify the Lord with me, and let us exult his name together. i sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." psalm 34: 1-4
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i'm asked all the time if i have a favorite worship song. honestly, that song changes daily. but if i'm forced to choose one, i would have to say michael neale's "on mountains high". i suppose this song will always hold a special place in my heart, simply because of the way i came to know it.
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as most of you know, i lost my mom ten years ago this month, after an 11 year battle with breast cancer. towards the end of her earthly life, we had this cycle: mom's blood count would go down, she would be admitted to the hospital, have a blood transfusion, and we'd be good to go for several months. this was our routine for more than a year. the last time she was admitted into the hospital, we initially thought it would be the same. but this time, her body did not respond as it usually did. it very quickly became apparent to us, that this was different. all of the doctors and nurses were wonderful as they cared for her and for us. after several days, dr. o'shaughnessy said the words, "there is nothing else we can do." i was devastated. i left the hospital knowing that i probably only had a few precious days left with my mom. i could not even imagine a life without her, and i knew that in a very short time, that was going to be a reality.
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before the age of blue-tooth, i would keep worship cds in my car. publishers would send me things in the mail, and i would stick them in my car and listen when i had the chance. that day, in the midst of my tears, and without looking, i shoved the first cd my hand grabbed into the player. the song that began playing was michael neale's "on mountains high". as i listened, a peace washed over me. when i heard the line, "so help me trust your heart, as you hold my hand", i had to pull over to the side of the road. i was certainly in the lowest valley that i had ever experienced, and God, through this song, just reassured me, that everything was going to be okay. God had my hand, my family's hands and my mom's hand.
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i can't hear or sing this song without thinking about my mom. understandably, it's an emotional song for me. i don't often get through it without tears. i miss my mom everyday. it's hard for me to even fathom that it has been 10 years since i have seen her beautiful face or heard her calming voice. she taught me, as did this song, to praise God in all things, not just the happy and good, but ALL things.
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thank you, Lord, for never letting go of me. even when i want to run, thank you for always leading me back to you. Amen.
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march 21 clarece
i have been blessed throughout my life to have worked with some of the finest musicians. i started my church music career with the best, terry price, phyllis wilson, karla perry, and clarece candamio. i write this with such a heavy heart, and as i consider what i want to say, it is entirely appropriate that i put these thoughts down, on what would've been j.s. bach's 332nd birthday. on saturday, the music world lost an incredible organist in clarece candamio. i met clarece in 1987 when i began my master of sacred music internship at lovers lane united methodist church. i was a brand new seminary student and lovers lane was my first "real" church job. for as tiny as she was, she was a mighty presence, and a little intimidating, at first. some of her very first words to me, as an eager, naive, church musician were, "i hope you don't lose religion while working at this job." anyone who has been in church leadership understands the truth in these words. i, initially, did not understand her statement, but it did not take me long to fully comprehend exactly what she meant.
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for me, and any one who had the opportunity to work with her, she was the consummate musician. she was an incredible role model and mentor for me as a young musician. everyday, she would practice for hours, and when i could, i would sit in the back of the sanctuary and soak in the beauty that was her playing. i had so much admiration for her dedication, and i learned so much about organ repertoire from her. i do not know of any one more dedicated to their art than clarece candamio.
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when i left lovers lane, it wasn't until i returned for special services, that i realized how much i missed hearing her play and how much my personal worship experience was enhanced by her. when i would experience her playing, something inside of me changed. as david davidson used to say about inspired art, "the molecules in the room change." that is the beauty and wonder of music, and more specifically of her music.
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in the ten years that i served lovers lane, we must have done hundreds of weddings together. to my knowledge, we did the shortest version of paul stookey's, "the wedding song" known to humankind. she had a wickedly quick wit and a massive capacity for patience and love. those who were blessed to make music with her, walked away being better. she made everyone the best they could be.
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the words i've heard used to describe her are "beautiful, loyal, fantastic musician, humble, quiet,(and my personal favorite)unflappable". all of these are true, but what i know beyond any of these things is that she was my friend, and i will miss her terribly. i have a great sadness, in that, i don't know that i ever expressed to clarece how much she meant to me. i pray that she knew. i will never hear the widor "toccata" or a daquin "noel" without thinking of her and remembering how very blessed i am to have had her in my life.
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september 23 falling
the first day of fall, yippee! even here in texas, there is a drop in the temperature, which makes being outside somewhat bearable. i look forward to this season every year, but never more than this year. fall, when the gloriousness of God's creation turns rich with color, sunrises and sunsets seem more vibrant, the air becomes cooler, and leaves begin to fall from trees. things fall. it's a natural pattern, "what goes up, must come down". why is it, that when we "fall", whether literally or figuratively, it's embarrassing? i literally fell today playing a game of 9-square. it was embarrassing enough that i fell, but i took out the person next to me as well, double embarrassment. good news, we are both fine, but i still feel the heat of the embarrassment. what a clutz! (truth is, i'm not a clutz, just quite competitive.) have you ever noticed, that once you start to fall, how hard it is to stop? i tried with everything that was in me, to recover (with grace) as i felt that i was beginning to fall, but knew pretty quickly, that there was going to be no recovering, just go with it.(i will add that there was no grace involved in this fall.) as i lay there in the youth room, everyone rushed to me,(and my victim) to see if we were ok. as embarrassed as i was, that was really the best part, the support around us. there was no hiding this fall, so the help was immediate. but, what about all the times when we "fall" and no one knows; no one rushes to help, and we feel alone? why are we so ashamed to reach out for help? are we afraid of shattering the image that we have it all together? i don't know the answer, but i know that i am guilty. so, as of today, i'm coming out in the open to say, i don't have it all together. i fall on a daily basis, sometimes several times a day. there are big falls that i cannot hide, and smaller ones (that are just as big) that stay private. i am praying that i, and maybe you, will have the courage to ask for help, so that in the end, we will all realize that falling is a natural act, even a spiritual act, and the best part is that God and people will rally to help, without judgement.(those that do judge??? we don't need them, anyway.) thanks be to God. (and thanks to the grace avenue staff, for coming to my aid today.)
may 19 spring cleaning
the very mention of the word makes me break out in a cold sweat. don't get me wrong, i like the end result, but i'd rather skip the journey all together. i think that's probably true for most of the lack-luster things in our lives, certainly mine. i don't know about you, but i get so busy and focused, that sometimes, i feel like i'm skipping the journey on a lot, even the great stuff! i was watching an interview with jane fonda several weeks ago, and she said something that resonated with me. "we are not meant to be perfect; we are meant to be whole". bam! hit me square in the eyes! guilty! i am so busy trying to be perfect (and failing miserably, i might add), that i'm not focused on being whole. one of my touchstone bible verses is romans 5:1-5. i love these verses for many reasons, but primarily for one simple word, "hope". through all things, the good, the bad and the ugly, we have hope. i am thankful for that hope in God and in all things, for i know that i will get me through whatever spring cleaning needs to take place in my life. so, let's hear it for spring cleaning!! i'm jumping in with both feet and looking forward to the journey, and who knows, maybe my garage will get clean in the process!
february 13 love is in the air
i am a cold weather girl. i love the crispness in the air, big, bulky sweaters, fires in the fireplace and the occassional snow day.
The cold weather makes it easier to stay inside and be a coach potato. and with the olympics being on,i can't think of anywhere else i'd rather be. i am an olympics junkie. i stay up late into the night/morning and watch things i would never in a million years watch on a regular basis. i am completely sucked in. i think the thing i love the most is the back stories on many of the olympians; the stories of struggle and triumph for the opportunity to represent their country in their chosen sport. i was particularly moved by the story of the canadian mogul skier,alex bilodeau. you may remember him from winning the gold in the vancouver olympics. his brother, frederic, has cerebral palsy and is his biggest cheerleader. on monday, alex again won the gold medal, with frederic leading the cheering section. after it was determined that alex had indeed won the gold, he immediately went over to his brother and gave him a huge bear-hug and pulled him over the barriers to stand with him. i sat and watched and bawled, as if i was part of the family. what a beautiful expression of love. i can't help but think about how God is our biggest cheerleader, and how so often we forget to go over and give God a big bear-hug after our successes, more importantly, after our wipe-outs. God stands there waiting with outstretched arms and rejoices when we throw our arms around him in victory or defeat. thank you God, for loving me and being patient with me, even when i forget.
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sept 9 celebrating love
when i look at today's date, i smile. today would have been my parent's 58th wedding anniversary. the older i get, the more i realize that my childhood and my parent's marriage was not the "norm". i am incredibly grateful for the role models that my parents were to me and my sister. things were not perfect, by any means, but they showed us that with love and perserverence, you can overcome anything. it's such a great lesson for life. some of our greatest struggles are wiped away by the sunrise... or maybe several sunrises, but struggles fade and give way for new opportunities. and through it all, love remains, constant, never-changing, dependable
love. what an incredible gift to give one another. one of my favorite verses is "we love, because God first loved us." 1 John 4:19. what a solid reminder that love is a gift given freely to each of us.
let's go share the gift!
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​​june 18 learning curves
Sometimes I am truly shocked at the lessons that I continue to be taught. You would think at ?? years old, I would begin to catch a clue about certain things. I recently read Richard Rohr's book Falling Upward. It's a great read, and I highly recommend it. He talks about the two phases of life, not defined by age, but experience and wisdom. Young people can be in the second phase, and likewise, older folks can be stuck in the first phase. There are times when I look at my life, and I think, "Wow! Look at me! I am wise beyond my years." And then something will happen that will slap me with the reality that I still have so much work to do. I have recently been slapped with some reality, and it is painfully clear that I have work to do. I am thankful that I do not do this work alone. I serve a God that is patient (thank goodness!)and gracious in teaching me what I need to learn. So, here's to the learning process, however long it takes. Thank you, God for being patient with me.
march 25 it's about time...​​
Finally! So many of you have asked me about a website, and now, we finally have one, www.lhrmusic.com is up and running! I'm hoping that this will be the place where I can post our upcoming concerts/events and maybe a few random thoughts, from time to time. Drop by often and see what's new, listen to some music, or drop me a note. I pray that our music is a blessing in your life, and that you will share with others. We are blessed to be a blessing.
